I think the best one will always be "french fry guy." Date #1 went fabulous...best one ever. I actually came home and told my mom that this guy could be the right one. Date #2 went just as well. Date #3...well...wow. He went to the wrong location for the restaurant, called me and of course it was my fault, because I told him the wrong place in a text message. (Checked my text history, and low-and-behold, I told him the place that I was standing in.) So he arrived 50 minutes late, we got seated in between two starting-off families (AKA kids under the age of three.) The one kid was screaming bloody murder the whole time, leading "french fry guy" to roll his eyes and proclaim "I love kids." The other kid decided that it would be a fabulous idea to throw a temper tantrum in the middle of dinner, which led to "french fry guy" getting his name. Yup, a ketchup-laden french fry flew through the air an landed on his expensive Express shirt. Now, I like to think that a normal person would shrug it off, do their best to get the ketchup off their shirt, and move on with life. Well, this guy wouldn't shut up about it, complained like all hell, and got mad at the poor kid's parents who were apologizing profusely and giving him baby wipes to try to clean it up. That was the focus for the rest of dinner. Needless to say, he got a text afterwards saying that things just weren't going to work out.
There's also "tall guy," where everything seemed to be perfect via our emails (gotta love the false sense of "wow, we're great for each other" that provides.) He arrived at our lunch date not appearing as tall as he claimed (6'5" does not mean 5'5"...especially when I'm 5'10" in flats!) Our conversation immediately turned to religion once we were seated. He's a hardcore Catholic, I'm Lutheran, apparently the first "heathens" to break away from the Catholic church (well, we were the first ones, but I'm not sure the use of the word "heathen" is fully appropriate.) Of course, that ended the conversation for the rest of the meal, leading to incredibly awkward silence. His credit card wouldn't go through to pay for the meal, so he tried paying with a $100 bill (wtf?) and the waitress couldn't take anything larger than a $50, so I had to pay for the first and last date. When we got outside, he gave me a hug outside of my car and told me "good luck in all of your future travels." Riiiiiight...this guy started my whole thing of "if it's a first date and it's a blind one, coffee works best." Well it does...you can drink fast and go if he's not up to par early on, or you can stay as long as you want and get refills if he's great.
There was also "guy who told me from the beginning that he was 6'2" and then the night before our first date tells me that he's really 5'6" and "guy who stopped talking to me after I asked 'can you stop giving me the Care Bear stare?'"
The recent favorite is "can't drive guy." Photo was blurry on the dating site and on Facebook...it actually made him look relatively decent looking. I should have known from the start though that it wasn't going to be good though when, because I didn't respond within a couple hours to a FB message asking about which day worked better for our first date, he got a bit upset. Why is it so hard to accept that a girl doesn't want to give her cell phone number out before date #2? Why not let sitting ducks lie? We met at Tim Hortons for coffee, and as soon as I saw him, I knew that it would be a 20 minute deal. Hideous! (And please don't think that I'm objectifying or anything like that. The guy needs to be decent looking, and at least taller than me by an inch. But this guy had the worst teeth I've ever seen, a nose that was too small for his face, acne scars everywhere, and his nails didn't look like they had been trimmed or cleaned in weeks.) We ordered our coffee, and yet again, his card didn't work (for $5...what is the deal with this?!) I ended up paying for my small coffee and his extra-large iced cappuccino. Sat down, and he proceeded to talk for two hours about how beautiful and cute I am (what do you say other than "thank you" a million times, especially if you don't agree one bit with it being likewise?), "Family Guy" (ugh!), random movie quotes that I had never heard (OMG, he's like one of my 15:1 students!), how desperate he is for a girlfriend because his family and friends all make fun of him for not having one all the time (doesn't mine? no!), and how the Bible goes against homosexuals. I didn't manage to get a word in edge-wise, and I felt absolutely awful for the old people sitting near us. I couldn't escape, because I couldn't even get in a word to say "thanks, I had a nice time, but I have a family emergency that's going to keep me from ever seeing you again if I have a choice." Finally, my trusty stomach rebelled, and I had to get up to go to the bathroom (damn taking off my coat earlier, or I would have snuck out then.) Came back out, and proclaimed that I needed to leave. He went and got a dozen donuts for himself (magically then he had money?) and shouted "hey Maureen, do you want any?" across the store. Umm...my name is Marie, not Maureen, not Mary, not Maria...Marie. Best part, it was doing this crazy snow-rain mix outside, and he told me that he can't drive and would need to walk unless I can give him a ride, just five minutes. I agreed (begrudgingly...I'm such an idiot.) He told me one way, so I went that way, and it was the wrong way. And the entire time, he kept pushing me for 1. my phone number and 2. whether or not there would be a second date. When I wouldn't answer him, he called his grandmother because he was going to be locked out of the house. We get to his house and have to wait for his grandmother, who finally arrives five minutes later, comes up to the car and wants to talk to me, telling me that she hopes she gets to see lots more of me. She at least was very sweet, but then he leaned in for a kiss, and I did the head bob away. I get home, check FB, and his status is how he met a beautiful girl who could be the love of his life for coffee, and there's a message waiting for me asking for my phone number and whether there will be another date on Friday...again! I responded as nicely as I could, that he was a nice guy, but I don't see there being anything there. He asked why not, and I felt like I owed it to him to at least give one reason...he's too pushy and desperate for a girlfriend. Within five minutes, I got another message saying to give him another chance...pushy much?!
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So here's my verdict...online dating SUCKS! I'm through with it. Nice idea in theory, and I'm sure it works for some random people out there, but after about five bad dates from it, yeah, I'm done. I might seem cheap, but I don't think that paying $120 for 6 months should be necessary to look at profiles and try to find "the one." I pay that much for a month's worth of personal training at the gym, but I actually am seeing results for paying that money! Thinking that I just need to trust that when the right guy comes along, he will come along, and trying to push it via internet dating isn't the right way. In the meantime, I'm perfectly fine with just being a "table for one."
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